


Elevator Sex

by chollarcho



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: M/M, Poetry, crackfic, really really strange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:06:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chollarcho/pseuds/chollarcho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keeler gets a lot of valid complaints (not about him this time) and writes a memo to Cook.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elevator Sex

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to HamletMachine, whose gorgeous art and concise storytelling inspires me to write fan-poetry on peripheral topics. 
> 
> Also dedicated to everyone who has written Starfighter elevator sex. You know who you are (and good work). 
> 
> Also also dedicated to our beloved Random Background Guy, navigator Bazin, who never gets a break.

To:  Commander Cook  
From:  Lead Navigator Keeler  
Re:  Concerns with Frequency of Illicit Liaisons in Elevators  
  
I write to you with what may seem a strange request.  
The crew’s morale, however, suffers unaddressed.  
You know that I am not accustomed to complain,  
And even as the mission nears I am restrained  
In spite of ulcers’ aches.  And, sir, it’s true, no prude  
Am I, as all well know, when in the proper mood.  
  
An issue has come forward, and I must address  
Concerns the crew has voiced in numerous complaints.  
The truth, in fact, is that each day without restraint  
Some flight teams use the lifts for sex (no prudery!),  
And those who interrupt them leave quite moody:  
The source of discontent and thus of this request.  
  
Among the topics often shared in the complaints,  
 _Reliant_ ’s fighter seems to show the least restraint.  
He did his navigator ’gainst the wall; a prude  
Was shocked to see them, scolding their salacious mood,  
And Cain’s response: a snarl most foul.  Thus this request  
Was filed, a proper step to see this case addressed.  
  
There are those who (though few) show slightly more restraint,  
Though they as well cause consternation in the prudes  
Who take offense when hearing sounds of lusty moods.  
For instance, take one Deimos and his requests  
In language filthy which one Praxis then addressed.  
This dirty talk soon launched a thousand loud complaints.  
  
And further still the telling case of Bazin, prude,  
For whom shy glances satisfy romantic mood:  
His tender eyes beheld such lewdness!  His request  
To keep his innocence in bloom should be addressed.  
And he is not the only one to make complaints  
Along this reasoning to call for more restraint.  
  
Permit me to suggest a means to calm the mood  
Of those who made to me these justified requests.  
A ban on elevator sex would fast address  
The issue, or, if that provokes likewise complaints,  
The designation of one lift so to restrain  
Proliferation of these deeds would please the prudes.  
  
 _Envoy_  
  
Commander, please address this exigent request  
So that the volume of complaints may be restrained,  
And all the _Sleipnir_ ’s prudes brought ’round to better moods.  
  
Sincerely,  
Keeler

  
\--

  
To:  Lead Navigator Keeler  
From:  Commander Cook  
Re:  Concerns with Frequency of Illicit Liaisons in Elevators  
  
No. You don't want to run into elevator sex, then take the stairs.  
  
-C

  
\--

  
To:  Lead Navigator Keeler  
From:  Lead Fighter Encke  
Re:  Special Training  
  
Heyyy, baby--running a little late with the fighters, wanted to let you know.  See you in the stairwell for “training.”  ;)  
  
xoxoxo,  
Encke


End file.
